I came across a YouTube video by the shamelessly famous Maya Washington, otherwise known as Shameless Maya. In the video, titled “Do You Believe in God?”,she discussed her journey with religion growing up and the many struggles she is dealing with as a woman as far as her beliefs and what’s true and not true to her at this point in her life. This video truly resonated with me as I am currently going through the same struggle. Growing up, church was at the forefront for my family. We never missed a Sunday and was always bright and early for Sunday school. I was heavily active in the choir, youth usher board, president of the youth department, and the overseer of the dance department all the way into adulthood. It was embedded in me that this is what I was supposed to do in order to have a prosperous life. As I went through this journey I learned to develop my own relationship with God and would pray to Him often and would feel His presence at a very young age. I always believed there was a Higher Power, however, from a little girl up until now I have encountered some very devastating situations. In these situations I’ve always felt like God was there to save me and things could have been worst but realistically every situation could always be worst. The problem is as I’ve gotten older I been exposed to some things and encountered a lot of hurt from the same church that I once was so excited to be apart of. It’s also a new thing right now with these “woke” people who feel that everything that is being taught in church is a lie and that all we do is worship the pastor and church is wrong and how wrong it is to celebrate pagan holidays and so on. Now I have done some of my own research and I do agree with what is being discovered but what I don’t like is how judgemental people can be with it. I feel that at this point people are studying the Bible, or whatever book you may read and reference, chronologically. I don’t think its possible to do this because there are so many metaphorical passages. For example, there’s a big hang up on Sunday being the incorrect day to go to church. The truth is we really don’t know what day we should come together and worship. Back then days were counted as 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. Whose to say that on the 7th day they decided “ok, let start over and begin a new week.” We don’t know how much time transpired between each story in the bible. We were not there. All we can go off of this book, which realistically no matter what book you choose to read, they were all written by somebody else. I think it would make more sense to look at it geographically. But what’s even more important to me is the relationship you have with God. I don’t care what day you go to church or how often you read your bible or how many scriptures you can recite. The real questions are do you feel Him in your heart? What have you done for Him lately? How has God worked in your life? This is where I come to my road block. As I reflect over my life since about the age of 4 with disappointments to molestation to rape to heartbreak to sickness to losing everything to failed dreams to abuse, it sometimes makes me feel lost because I can’t seem to understand why. People always say “Don’t worry, it’ll get better” or “This too shall pass”, but since I was an innocent child? I’m almost 30!! I’m not really doubting the existence of a Higher Power but is this really the hand that has been dealt for my life? I really can’t seem to catch a break. I know this blog is supposed to be inspiring but I want to use it to share the thoughts of my mind as well. And I believe that this will still encourage someone because I can’t be the only person to feel this. At least they will know they are not alone. I love so hard and have worn my heart on my sleeve all of my life and no matter what it seems to backfire. Now don’t get me wrong, I have encountered some really good people in my life and I have a few good moments but they don’t always last. I guess the only thing I can do is try to keep hope that….”It’ll get better”. But how much can a person really take??????
– Krissy G