Over this weekend I almost got to the point of throwing in the towel. Everyday I push and strive to keep a smile on my face but the reality is everything around me is just not the best. Sure I have a job but I am still struggling to pay bills. Sure I have a car but it is hard to keep up with the car note. Sure I am able to make sure my daughter has food to eat but it’s not always the best choice. Throughout my life I have had SEVERAL jobs but I have always struggled to keep a budget because it seemed like I never brought home enough no matter how much I was getting paid. I’ve invested in different business ventures that I thought would truly help. Prior to these investments I would share with other people like close family and friends to get the word out and of course everyone was on board but once I launched everyone had an excuse when it came to actually supporting the vision. Everyone supports you until its time to actually support you. I was faced with a struggle this past week because I couldn’t afford to buy my daughter a doughnut. Now before you begin to judge and think that I’m over-reacting and possibly call her spoiled, let me explain. I operate off of reward when it comes to her. Whenever she gets special recognition in school I like to reward her for going above and beyond. Nothing over the top, just maybe a piece of candy or an ice cream cone. Well it has gotten to point where I haven’t been able to do these things so to compensate I would take her to a local doughnut shop by the name of Krispy Kreme where they give out free glazed doughnuts when they are fresh out the oven and the “HOT NOW” sign is on. She greatly appreciates it but sometimes she would want a jelly filled doughnut as they only give out glazed. Every time she would ask I would always tell her “maybe next time”. Well she is very smart and this time she said “Mommy, you said next time the last time and the time before that” and I explained to her that Mommy needs to hold on to money right now. She never puts up a fuss about it and she didn’t this time because she is aware that there are children out there that aren’t able to even enjoy the free doughnut that she was receiving. Well with her intelligence she notices when I am struggling to make ends meet. She notices when I have to make a meal out of anything. She notices when I try to hide my tears because I can’t pay a bill. She notices how tired I am from working and staying up late researching multiple streams of income. She notices that I sometimes have to say no because I can’t afford it right now. She notices that I don’t want to always go to people for help and I am working hard to do it on my own. So she asked me a question that completely crushed my soul. She said, “Mommy, are we poor?” As a parent, you never want your worries to weigh down on your babies so this almost caused me to emotionally break down. As much as we think we are hiding the struggles from our kids, trust me, they are watching. I pointed out to her the things that we do have to help her see that we are richer than most but on the inside I felt like I could do better. I went into a battle with my emotions because one part of me wanted to just give up on everything but the other part that wanted to make my daughter proud simply said DON’T GIVE UP!!! No matter what, I have to keep going because I know for sure now that she is watching. I’m not sure how many of you loves are mothers but I’m sure you may have been in this space before. Allow me to encourage you today as I encourage myself. Don’t give up, your babies are watching!!!
Need more encouragement? Check out these post to give you more push to keep going!!!
I hope this helps you as much as it helps me!!!
– Krissy G