I came across a video on YouTube of one of my favorite YouTubers ever. Mr. Kain Karter, best known as HotDamnIRock. I’ve been a major fan of his for a long time and I’ve been wondering where he’s been. He took a year hiatus and I just assumed, liked many other YouTubers, that he was either taking a break or had moved on to other things. Well in his new video, which you can check out below, he began to share everything that he has been going through. He has honestly been dealing with an array of misfortunes within his life. The video truly hit me to the core because it just reminded me of how life can take you through so much and as you try to get back to some type of sanity it just seems like things keep getting worse and you begin to wonder how much more can you take. When I began this blog and the name came to me, although I love it, some people couldn’t understand why I would use something with such negative annotations like UGLY Forever. But the reality is when you are going through the journey to heal from all of the dark things that have happened to you, the path is definitely not a pretty one. It is scary, depressing, heartbreaking, tiring, frustrating and can get very UGLY. You have to get dirty sometimes to get to the root of the problems. Its going to hurt and you may have some battle scars and bruises but you learn to pull strength from within yourself and ultimately come out a stronger person. My journey is about hurt, facing fears, forgiveness, and repentance. I went through some really UGLY things so the title is very appropriate however I’m sure you all have heard about the ugly duckling that grew into a beautiful swan. That’s what this is all about. I’m going through this UGLY journey to one day blossom into that BEAUTIFUL SWAN. As I watched Kain’s video he explained a metaphor to describe how he had been feeling through his journey and it spoke so deep to my heart. I’ve quoted what he said below and I hope that it speaks to you as well and gives you the extra bit of strength you need to keep fighting through your journey.
– Krissy G
“I feel like I’m falling off of a cliff…I feel like a fell off of a cliff and the further I fall the darker shit gets. The more quiet shit gets. But its like the darkness and silence isn’t what’s bothering me. It’s not hitting the bottom! Not hitting the bottom is what’s fucking bothering me. Because at least if I hit the bottom then I can stand up and go ‘Well ok, that’s how far I gotta climb to get back to the top of the cliff.’ But when you just fall and you just fall and you just fall, it’s like when does it end? And then that rational part of my mind tells me that it doesn’t end. It doesn’t end. There is no bottom when you fall off of fucking cliffs. You just gotta reach out and grab a rock. You gotta grab a rock and you gotta stop your own self from falling. I’m trying to grab a rock. I’m trying so fucking hard to grab a rock, yo. That’s what life is. Life is hard. Life is simple but its hard because the decision that you make and the things that you can’t help that come your way that you gotta deal with. Life is hard. Life is hard and it’s supposed to be because it’s like a test. It’s a test. All this shit is a test. I just wish I knew what you got when you passed…..”
– Kain Karter (hotdamnirock)
CHECK OUT KAIN’S VIDEO HERE
**Warning – Video Includes Explicit Language and Images**